My Version of Breaking Dawn
Chapter 1: Missing
We pulled up in front of the Cullen's house in Edward's Volvo.
Alice had called, saying she had an idea for the wedding and she wanted to tell me in person. So, I had grabbed my jacket and went out in the rain, with Edward by my side. He had opened the car door for me and was in his seat before I had my seatbelt on.
I was glad that Charlie hadn't been home, imagining his reaction to me telling him that I was going over to the Cullens place to make wedding plans with Alice. Charlie hadn't been very happy with my decision to marry so soon. When I had told him that Edward and I were going to be married he had gone so white that he had been almost as pale as Edward, but nowhere near as beautiful, and then fainted. It had taken a long time to calm Charlie down after he had woken up, but eventually we had gotten him to relax a bit. While Charlie tried to start breathing normally again, I had gone to the phone to call Renee and tell her the news. It had taken even longer to calm her down then it had with Charlie. But eventually she had realized that there was no changing my mind and had then started congratulating me rather than scolding me.
When I had returned to the family room, I had found Charlie giving Edward a lecture.
"If you ever hurt her, or do anything to send her crying back home, then you will wish that you had never moved to Forks! I will hunt you down with the largest police force I can get and make you regret ever looking at my daughter, you got that!"
"Don't worry Charlie, I would never do anything to hurt Bella. I will do everything in my power to protect her. You have my word."
That seemed to calm Charlie down.
"Then you have my blessing. Congratulations," Charlie had then held out his hand and Edward took it and they shook hands "I guess this makes you my future son-in-law."
The memory of Charlie's words made me shiver. If Charlie knew that his future son-in-law was a vampire…I shivered again.
Edward put his arm around me as we walked up to the large three-story house where the Cullens lived. I felt my heart jump in my chest at Edward's touch. I knew he could hear it, which made me blush. He looked at me and smiled his crooked smile.
Alice met us at the front door, her face angry.
"Edward, can I talk to you for a minute?" She growled through her clenched teeth.
"What is it Alice?" I asked.
"Just something I need to talk to Edward about. Privately." She added, looking at Edward.
Edward sighed again, and then he turned to me.
"Stay here, it will only take a moment."
He kissed me on the forehead, and then he and Alice were gone.
I looked out the glass wall facing south. It was cloudy, as usual. But the green forests surrounding the house were beautiful and so were the snow-capped mountains in the distance. I realized that the beauty of the small town of Forks had grown on me, and it surprised me when I realized that I would miss it when Edward and I left. But we would come back and visit, right? But then I remembered what Jacob had told me. That when I became a vampire that the treaty would be broken, no matter where we were when I changed, and he and his pack would have to attack the Cullens if they ever found them again, the war would start.
It took all my strength to fight back the tears that threatened to overflow as I remembered Jacob.
I had made my choice. I couldn't live without Edward, and there was no way that I could be with Edward and Jacob at the same time. I had tried, and failed. It would be hard to live without Jacob, but not as hard as it would have been to live without Edward. I'd been there; I knew how it felt when Edward had left almost a year ago for my own good. But in the end, it had nearly killed us both.
I was interrupted from my thoughts when Edward and Alice returned to the room. Edward looked worried and lost in thought. But before I could ask what was wrong, Alice spoke.
"I have a great idea for the wedding, Bella," Alice said as she danced toward me. She was so graceful. It took my breath away. "I thought that we would have the wedding in a chapel or something. But then I had a vision of the wedding taking place in a beautiful meadow. I asked Edward about it and he told me that it was your special place where you two hang out. So I thought that we could have the wedding in the meadow! What do you think?" She asked me with pleading eyes, waiting for my answer.
I imagined myself walking down the aisle in my wedding dress between the plastic chairs and towards Edward in a tuxedo, looking perfect beyond description, in the perfectly circular meadow and the wild flowers swaying in the wind. Though the thought of getting married still terrified me, I found myself longing for the image in my head to become a reality.
"I think it's a great idea, Alice. But how is everyone going to get there? It's not exactly the easiest place to find."
"Well, I thought we could hire someone to make a road or something, if that's alright with you. After you and Edward leave you won't be using it anymore anyway, right? So it won't really matter if other people know about it?" Her eyes were pleading again. She really wanted to do this. Whatever makes her happy, I reminded myself.
"Sure, Alice. Whatever it takes."
"Yes! Thanks Bella!" She said as she ran to me and hugged me. "I need to get to work, then. You and Edward go play." She threw Edward an angry look, and then spun away from us and gracefully danced away like a perfect ballerina.
Edward took my hand and led me to the front door. When we were in his car I asked him.
"What's wrong? Why was Alice mad at you?"
"It's nothing." Edward said, not looking at me.
"If you won't tell me, then I'll ask Alice."
Edward sighed in defeat. I waited.
"I sent Jacob a wedding invitation," he hesitated, "and a letter."
"What?" I gasped.
"I just told him thank you, and promised that I would take care of you. But I did it without your permission. I'm sorry."
"That's alright. But why was Alice so mad?" I whispered.
It was silent for a long moment, but then he finally spoke.
"Alice saw, in a vision, Charlie telling you that Jacob has been missing for three days. He'll tell you when he gets home tonight."
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. I struggled to fight the tears back. No more tears, I told myself, you promised.
I tried to compose myself until I was able to speak.
"Is he alright? Will he come back?" I asked, my voice strangled.
"Alice can't see that. But I'm sure he'll be fine."
"No he won't," I disagreed. I couldn't fight the tears anymore. I began to sob. "I wish I had never met him. That way I could never have hurt him. I'm horrible! It's all my fault! I wish I didn't exist!" But as I accused myself I knew I was lying, about the first part anyway. I loved Jacob. He had helped me during my darkest days. He had been my sun. Imagining my life without knowing him was impossible. But that just made me hate myself more.
Edward stopped the car on the side of the road and put his arms around me. I saw that we were in front of Charlie's house, but I was too distraught to be surprised.
"No, Bella, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault, it's mine. He wouldn't have run away if I hadn't sent him that letter. It's not your fault."
I couldn't argue. I was crying to hard to talk.
"Do you want to go inside?" Edward asked.
I nodded, still unable to speak.
Before I could blink, Edward was opening the car door on my side. He unbuckled my seatbelt for me and picked me up easily. The next thing I knew, I was on my bed in my bedroom, Edward still holding me. Again, he held me as I cried, my tears falling onto his shirt. I started hating myself even more. I had promised myself that Edward would never see me shed another tear over Jacob. And yet, here I was, crying just as I had the last time.
But this was different; Jacob was missing. He was in pain, and it was all my fault, despite what Edward had said. I looked at the bracelet on my left hand, at the little wooden wolf Jacob had carved himself, and it made me cry harder.
It steadily got darker and darker in my room, and I knew Charlie would be home soon. I slowly got up. Edward saw what I was trying to do and released me. I longed, almost craved, to go back into his arms and have him hold me. But I had other responsibilities, such as feeding Charlie.
I went downstairs, with Edward by my side, and into the kitchen. As I preheated the oven and turned on the heat on the stove, Edward spoke.
"Bella…I think you should reconsider your decision."
I turned and stared at him, shocked.
"It's…unbearable to see you in so much pain. If you're putting yourself through this just for me, then stop it. I want you to be happy. If Jacob is what you want, then you should choose him. You should--" His face was pained.
"No, Edward. I'm not upset because I'm unhappy with my decision. You're all I'll ever want. I'm upset because Jacob's missing, because he's in pain and it's my fault, because I don't want to change my mind, and my decision is hurting him. I'm upset with myself, because I'm selfish and I'm hurting everyone I care about." I stopped. I couldn't talk about this anymore. It hurt too much.
Edward put his arms around me again. Feeling his touch calmed me down a bit. It was only after I had calmed down that I realized I had been shaking.
"Bella, the last thing you are is selfish. You have risked your life to save others and have sacrificed your own happiness to make everyone else happy. But you can't save everyone, and you can't make everyone happy. You have to take care of yourself once in a while, at least."
I was about to argue, but I knew he was right. I couldn't save everyone, and I couldn't make everyone happy, no matter how hard I tried.