My Version of Breaking Dawn
Chapter 7: Transformation
Now that some of the hardships were over, such as leaving my family and human life behind me, other worries were starting to resurface. I now found myself fearing the time when Edward would change me. One of the reasons, of course, was the pain, which I was not looking forward to. Then there was the worry that, once I was a bloodthirsty newborn, I wouldn't feel the same about Edward anymore. That all I would care about was blood. I knew that being a vampire was what I wanted, but I didn't want to lose Edward in the process. And the fact that Tanya was still trying to flirt with him was not helping. I didn't tell Edward my renewed worry. I knew that he would try to reassure me, and then tell me that if I didn't want to be changed, I didn't have to. I wanted to be changed, but I wished that there were someway I could guarantee the return of my sanity afterwards.
When the rest of the Cullens arrived, they started getting ready for my transformation. Despite the fact that his eyes were still golden, Edward wanted to hunt before changing me. He said he didn't want to take any chances. So, all of the Cullens left to go on their hunting trip, leaving me in the care of Tanya's family. So all I could do was sit, wait, and let my worries take me over. I sat down on one of the couches next to the large, empty, fireplace in the front room. As I sat there in the silence, the conversation that Rosalie and I had had ran through my mind; "Yes, I know that's what you want now. But have you thought about what you will want in the future? In the future you may be wishing that you stayed human. This is a permanent thing, Bella. I thought I had been clear before, but apparently I wasn't clear enough. You can't do this, Bella. You are throwing your whole future away! You can't do this!" Rosalie had said.
"My future isn't a future at all without Edward. There is no other way." I had answered.
But what if, when I was a vampire, I didn't want him anymore? What if, by becoming a vampire, I was throwing a whole future with Edward away? But I knew that if I didn't become a vampire, I wouldn't have a future at all. The Volturi would see to that. And I wouldn't let Edward risk his life that way trying to protect me. I would have to become a vampire. There was no other way…
"Are you alright? You look really pale."
I jumped when a voice came from right beside me. I turned and saw that it was Kate.
"Sorry." She said as she sat down next to me.
After my breathing returned to normal I answered the last part of her question, "I'm always pale." Unless I'm blushing, I added mentally.
She laughed quietly, "I guess you are, if you're from Forks. You can rarely see the sun down there. Not that you see the sun around here very often." She looked down, lost in thought, for a moment before looking back up. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." I lied.
She looked at me doubtfully. "Are you afraid of being changed?"
"A little." I said quietly.
A thought came to my mind. Maybe I could ask Kate. Maybe she could help me understand all of this. I didn't know how that would help. I didn't know anything about her. But it couldn't hurt.
"I'm worried," I finally said, "about…my sanity…afterwards." I took a deep breath and tried again, "I'm worried that I won't love Edward the same way once I'm a vampire. That all I'll care about is blood…" I stopped as an amused smile spread across Kate's face.
"What?" I asked, confused.
Suddenly, Eleazar was there-standing next to Kate-with a smile on his face, too.
"You were going to come get me, Kate?" He asked her, still smiling.
"Yes, Bella seems to be worrying about how she'll feel about Edward when she's a vampire, and I thought that you could help her out a bit." Kate said without looking at him, still smiling at me. Then her smile disappeared, replaced by frustration.
"Okay, Kate. You can stop playing with Bella's mind." Eleazar said to Kate, his smile disappearing, too.
"I'm not doing anything. It's not working." Kate said, her frustration turning into anger. I remembered that Kate was supposed to have a special power like Edward, Alice, and Jasper. Apparently, whatever she was trying to do, it wasn't working on me because of the strange glitch in my brain.
"It's not working?" Eleazar asked, looking back and forth between Kate and I.
"It's not just her. Edward can't use his gift on me either. He can't read my mind." I explained.
Kate looked at me in confusion, "Why is that?"
"We're not sure. Alice said it was because my mind was a safe place and that no one could reach me there." I said.
Kate still looked at me, confused, and then shrugged, "Anyway, you're worried you won't love Edward anymore once you're a vampire. Is that correct?"
"Well, Eleazar might be able to ease your mind." She stood up and looked at Eleazar as she gestured to her seat.
"I don't know, Kate." Eleazar said as he sat down, his voice full of doubt.
"Oh, come on. If she's brave enough to hang out with vampires, she can handle listening to your life's story," She said to Eleazar, and then looked at me as she backed up toward the door past the stairs, "Have fun." She said, then she turned around went through the doorway and closed the door behind her.
"Ah, Kate. You can never really rein her in." Eleazar mumbled.
"So, what is your story?" I asked, suddenly curious, "Unless you don't want to tell me." I said, incase it was something he didn't want me to know.
"No, it's fine. Kate's right, it might help you," He looked down-trying to decide where to start, I guessed-and then looked back up, "what have the Cullens told you about our family?" He asked me.
"Not much," I answered, "Edward told me that you lived in Alaska and that you didn't drink human blood."
"Hmm." Eleazar looked down again. It was silent for a long moment before he spoke again, "Well, the world was a lot different when we were born," He said as he looked up, "Tanya, Kate, and Irina were born during a more peaceful time in Slovakia. Tanya changed Kate and Irina and together they discovered that they didn't need to drink human blood. They love men," he rolled his eyes, "even human men. They hated killing them. That's how they started drinking animal blood, so they wouldn't need to kill any more men. They lived in Slovakia, living in a remote area, for many years. They lived a very peaceful life, until the war started.
"I was born in Spain during the Eighty Years war. The Spanish Empire was fighting against the Ottoman Empire, but I never got involved. When I was eighteen years old, I wouldn't have even known there was a war going on if there hadn't been soldiers marching up and down the streets all the time-not when I was around Carmen.
"Carmen and I had been friends for a long time. Our relationship had grown and we fell in love with each other. She was all I could ever think about, she was-and still is-my whole world.
"But when my father joined the army, he asked me to join him. I was worried about my father. He was very old and I didn't know if he could fight well. I couldn't get him to change his mind and stay home, so I decided to fight with him-to watch out for him. I promised Carmen that I would do everything in my power to return to her before I left. She gave me this," He lifted a small locket that hung around his neck with his index finger so I could see it, "for me to remember her by.
"I found that I was very good on the battle field. I had a knack at predicting what my enemies would do before they did it. My father and I survived many battles. But when we fought in the battle in Slovakia, my little talent didn't help when we were surrounded. There were too many of them, and I was fately wounded. I lay on the ground, waiting for death to take me. I thought I had died when I saw a beautiful face, the face of an angel, looking down on me," He smiled, amusment in his eyes, "It was Tanya. Her house was close by and she had been watching the battle. She had thought that I was handsome and wanted to save me when I was hurt. Everyone else was busy fighting, so no one noticed when she took me away. She changed me," he looked at my face, and I wondered what he saw there. I was too enthralled by his story to tell what my face was showing. Whatever he saw made him edit,
"They told me what I'd become and how they lived. I agreed to live the same way. It was hard, I was new and my thirst for human blood was strong. I stayed away from humans. But even though my whole life had been changed, I never forgot about Carmen. I asked Tanya if I could see her. It was becoming very hard to live without her. Tanya wouldn't let me. She said I was still too young and unable to control myself and that I would probably kill Carmen. I didn't know if Tanya was restraining me because she wanted to protect Carmen, or if she was just jealous of Carmen. Whatever the reason, she wouldn't let me go. Whenever I tried to escape, Kate used her ability-to confuse people-on me, making me unable to remember why I wanted to leave. But I found that my knack for predicting everyone's next move had become stronger, and I was able to get around Tanya and her family. Despite the danger it held for her, I went to see Carmen.
"I visted her in her room in the middle of the night. She had many questions for me. I was supposed to have been killed in battle. But I couldn't answer any of her questions. I was trying to concentrate on not killing her. The scent of her blood was too strong for me. I thought I could control myself, but I slipped. I bit her," He looked away from me, but not before I saw the pain in his eyes, "But, I was able to pull myself away. I found the will to stop drinking her blood. I took her back to Tanya's home. After three days, I explained to her what had happened, what I'd done to her," his voice cracked, "She believed me and she joined our family. But we had to leave soon after. Carmen's parents had set up a search party for her. So, we moved here, to Alaska."
He looked up at me and smiled.
"So you see? Just because you will crave blood doesn't mean you'll stop loving Edward. You won't even have to worry about killing him." He laughed weakly.
"But how were you able to stop?" I asked. He knew what I meant.
"I'm not exactly sure. I think it was because-I loved her so much-the thought of her ceasing to exist because of me was just too horrible. My love for her was enough to make me stop," He smiled at me again, "So if you love Edward as much as you say you do, I highly doubt there will be a problem."
I looked up when the door next to the stairs opened. Carmen entered the room.
"Eleazar, what are you doing? I've been looking for you. Irina is…" She stopped when she saw me.
"I was just telling Bella our story." Eleazar said as he stood up and walked over to her. He put his arms around her.
"Oh." She said. She smiled and then kissed Eleazar on his cheek.
"Let's go calm Irina down. She's going to have to get used to the Cullens being here sometime," Eleazar said to Carmen, then he turned to me, "I hope I helped you, Bella. Just because you'll be a vampire doesn't mean you'll have to lose your sanity." Eleazar smiled again and then he and Carmen were gone.
I sat there in the silence for what seemed to be a very long time. I thought about Eleazar's story, how he had been able to stop himself from killing Carmen. It reminded me of how Edward-after he thought I'd killed myself-was now able to control himself. He had lived for twenty-four hours thinking I was dead. It hadn't changed the way I smelled to him, but he now looked at a lot of things differently. Was that the same thing that had happened to Eleazar? Maybe my lust for blood wouldn't be enough to change how I felt about Edward. And, as Eleazar had said, I wouldn't even have to worry about killing him. I would just have to wait and see.
When the Cullens returned, all of their eyes a light butterscotch, they began preparing for my transformation the next day. I would spend the three days it would take me to change on Edward's and my bed. Carlisle was going to try to use morphine on me so that the pain wouldn't be so bad.
I sat on Edward's lap with his arms around me as the rest of the Cullens got everything ready. My breathing was ragged.
"It'll be fine. I swear I will control myself." Edward whispered in my ear.
"I know. I trust you." I whispered back.
Suddenly, Carlisle was standing next to us.
"I want to show you something, Edward." He said.
Edward nodded, and then he stood up and sat me down on the chair he had just been sitting on. I grabbed his hand. I didn't want him to leave me.
"It'll only take a minute, Bella. Carlisle is just going to show me how to bi- make it less painful for you." Edward said, his face pained.
I nodded and released his hand. Then Carlisle and Edward were gone.
Just a few seconds after Edward left, Alice suddenly appeared next to me. She leaned down so her head was at the same level as mine.
"Nervous?" She asked.
I just nodded my head.
"It just three days. It won't be too bad, I guess. Actually, I'm not sure. I don't remember when I was changed." She said.
"Alice," I looked up at her, "I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
"Sure, what is it?" She asked.
"I don't want Edward to have to be there…while I'm changing. I don't want him to have to see that. I was wondering if you could try…to keep him away."
"I don't know. I could try, but it won't be easy-"
"Alice, please." I begged.
"Alright, Bella. I will, don't worry." Alice said, her tone more serious now.
I sighed in relief, "Thank you."
Suddenly, Carlisle and Edward were standing next to Alice.
"Are you ready, Bella?" Carlisle asked me.
I took a deep breath. "Yes."
Edward took my hand and helped me out of the chair. Then we walked, at human speed, to our room with Carlisle and Alice behind us.
The rest of the Cullen family was there in our room. Even Tanya's family, except for Irina, was there.
Edward and I walked to the bed. It felt like we were in a funeral procession. I took another deep breath and I lied down on the bed. Edward, too, took a deep breath and then leaned down and brought his lips to my throat.
"Wait." I said. He stopped and looked at me.
I took my hands, placed them on both sides of his face, and brought his lips to mine. I focused on the way his lips moved with mine. The feeling, the taste, the smell. I tried to plant it in my mind permanently so that I would remember this when all of my other human memories faded away with time.
The kiss started out sweet, but then he began to kiss me with a stronger passion-almost desperation-as if this would be the last time we would ever kiss. My heart went wild, as if it knew it wouldn't be beating for much longer. My breathing became even more uneven.
I wanted to stay here with him forever. I wanted time to stop so I wouldn't have to become a bloodthirsty vampire. I didn't want to have to worry about the countless enemies I had waiting in the shadows. I never wanted this moment to end.
But, despite me trying to bring his lips back to mine, Edward ended the kiss. I was surprised I could hear his uneven breathing past my own. He smiled.
"I love you, Bella." He said.
I smiled back, "I love you, too, Edward."
I looked at his glorious face on last time, my last human memory, before closing my eyes.
And then the pain started.